When I started the chiropractic program at Parker in January 2005, we only had one child. At the time it seemed like a juggling act, but I was able to handle it pretty well (what was I thinking? Now I have four kids… one should have been a breeze!). I woke up at 4:30 every morning to study for an hour and a half. I made a ton of flash cards to help me get through Systemic Anatomy, which was considered the toughest class in Tri 1. I ended up getting a 90/90 in that class (90% attendance, 90% in the class), which allowed me to skip that final, and ended up with a really good GPA overall for that inaugural trimester.
Then came Tri 2. My son was born the Friday of week 3, which just happened to be the Friday before my first round of exams for that trimester. It was a total of 5 exams in 7 days. That first week of my son’s life, I literally slept an hour and a half per night, studying biochemistry, biomechanics, gross anatomy, and microbiology all night, while helping January get acclimated to caring for our new baby while she healed from a 2nd c-section. I was putting the same amount of effort into studying that I did in Tri 1, with a whole lot less sleep.
Attack of the Back Spasms
The amount of stress I shouldered because of all this amounted to severe back spasms that floored me for a week. I couldn’t move at all. My wife, still healing from a c-section, was taking care of me. It was humiliating. I remember doing all I could to hobble into microbiology to take our first exam, barely able to concentrate because of the pain, then drive home where I could lay back down on the floor. I went to friends in upper trimesters and faculty alike and no one could help me with good old diversified. If only I knew about upper cervical then.
It took about 6 weeks for those severe spasms to subside to the point where I could function again. But what truly helped those spasms, when no one around me at a chiropractic school could, was a major shift in my thinking.
“Quit Worrying About Getting A’s.”
One night, January and I had a serious discussion about what it would take to get through school with two kids. We were really struggling with having a second child while I was at Parker. I was studying my brains out to get A’s, but the rest of my life was suffering… family, health, peace of mind, etc.
Finally, January looked at me with tears and said “For us to get through all this, you’re going to just have to settle for B’s and C’s. Quit worrying about getting A’s.”
So I did. I chilled out on the intense studying, basically relying on a photographic memory (thank goodness for this ability) to carry me through the rest of the trimester. I ended up with half B’s and half C’s. But more important than grades, my life at home normalized. I could devote more time to the important things in life, namely church, and my wife and kids.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not implying that you chiropractic students should abandon your studies. What I am implying is that you need to prioritize.
Priorities in Chiropractic School
Prioritizing is different for everyone. Single people really don’t have any excuse but to do well in school. I never understood the single people I went to school with who partied and struggled in class. They have the ability to make school a priority.
People in relationships, i.e. marriage, should do as best they can, but make sure to give your spouse that time he/she deserves. They are your priority over school.
People with kids, honestly, have a priority to give as much time and effort into raising them as they can. If that means the grades suffer a little, it’s worth it to make sure the kid(s) see their parents and have a strong relationship with them.
For those of you in chiropractic school, sit down and make a list of priorities. Going through the motions and ignoring the important things or people in your life will lead to misery. It’s sad watching the people who get divorced while in chiropractic school, simply because they couldn’t prioritize and give some of their time to their spouse.
Looking Back on Life
My priorities are 1.) Faith 2.) Family 3.) Everything else, including chiropractic. I find that this order keeps me focused on the important things in life. Without this order, I think life would not be very enjoyable.
At the end of my life, I know I won’t look back and lament that I didn’t work hard enough within chiropractic. I know I will lament not spending enough time with my wife and kids, or serving people through my faith… unless I prioritize.
How about you?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
This can NOT be said enough. Thank you for this post. This is something I try to talk about with current students in school. I missed a good part of my daughter’s life just being in school so much. I was not a stellar student, as I did give my nights/weekends to my family. But if I did not even do that, I can’t imagine the guilt I would feel now. I already have so much due to giving up so much time with her and my husband, just to get through the program.
Anyway, great advice…and it needs to be said more and more. Faith and family DO come first, period!
fabulous article to completely highlight priorities based on values. values based work is incredible to free us from the ‘shoulds’ and ‘coulds’ in life. congrats on establishing very early in your family life and career the things that truly matter the most to you!
janice
Great post, Brandon.
I also had kids going through chiropractic school, but I had the benefit of having grasped that lesson before going in, so I knew that family came first then school if it came to any kind of decisions between the two. I was even willing to go on a reduced load and take longer to graduate if needed so that my family wouldn’t suffer more than was necessary (thankfully this wasn’t needed, as I made it through just fine).
I also didn’t get straight A’s, but I did get mostly A and B grades and helped a number of other students with the stress by coaching them in the same kind of prioritizing. For those of us who are dedicated and focused on a purpose, it can sometimes be a challenge to realize that every waking moment need not be dedicated to that sole purpose … and that by taking time to enjoy family and other parts of life we’ll be much better off for it.
P.S. If you think the decision in school was hard, just wait until you have to balance your time spent in and on your practice vs. family time … it’s a much harder choice to make because time spent in and on practice directly correlates to success in bringing home “the bacon” to take care of your family.
Best of luck to all the students out there and also new doctors.
I’m going through that right now Ben. I’ve been working my butt off and it has meant a lot less time at home. But, I’ve finally been able to balance that out as well. I definitely hear you on that one, though.
Thanks for your honesty Brandon
These are wise words on a young head. I met my husband the year he graduated so did not have that to contend with, however we were thrown into a practice by being at the right (wrong) place and the right (wrong) time when a chiropractor had to flee the country! We were thrown into the deep end and hardly saw each other. I fell pregnant right away (obviously when we did see each other) and the stress of practice and home and learning to be married was a bit much! Lost time can never be regained. I admire what you are doing Brandon. It is hard not to be drawn into the net along with others and to stand firm and true to what you believe.